Bros before hoes: The Bro Code~ (By Shaderu)

WARNING: THIS THREAD IS NOT EXACTLY FOR GIRLS.

What are bros? Bros are the most important people in a mans life. It's not his family, not his lover...it's his bros that are a mans true asset in life.

A bro is not a brother. Bros are male friends who socializes primarily with his male peers and enjoys lively, unintellectual pursuits. In rare cases, a bro can be a girl, but she must strictly be referred to as a girl-bro.

Bros have some rules among them that they must follow. Not because breaking them will get you into trouble, bros forgive all. But you should follow them because you are a true bro. These rules are known as Bro Codes.

It is important to know the origin of bro codes. While the story of The Bro Code is not nearly as simple and elegant as God handing down some stone tablets to Broses, its origins weave all the way back to the dawn of humanity

In the beginning there was no Bro Code… which was unfortunate for the world’s first Bros-Cain and Abel. Lacking an agreed-upon set of social principals, Cain killed Abel and committed history’s first Broicide. As punishment Cain was doomed to walk the earth alone. Why? Because without a wingman, he had absolutely no chance to meet chicks.

Centuries later a Bro from Sparta and a Bro from Troy got in a fight over a chick named Helen. I know, “Helen” doesn’t sound hot, but allegedly she had a “face that launched a thousand ships” so you can just imagine what her rack was like. The two Bros waged a terrible war over this chick-a war that could have been avoided has the Bros been familiar with the most basic Bro Code: Bros before ho’s. Troy put up a good fight, but the Spartan navy was very powerful. Soon hordes of Spartan seamen burst through the Trojan barrier, and Helen got half the gold for the next eighteen years.

Hundreds of years later, appropriately in Philadelphia (the City of Bro Love), a little known delegate named Barnabas Stinson scrathed on pathchment what is now considered the earliest attempt to record The Bro Code. Over the years Bros have amended and added rules, but Stinson’s elegant words remain as the glorious preamble to The Bro Code.

Here are the 128 glorious bro codes. Feast your eyes and follow them to your death if you're a true bro.

1: Bros before Hoes – A ‘Hoe’ is defined as any woman that is not your wife or direct family.

2: A Bro is always allowed to do something stupid as long as his Bros are doing it.

3: If a Bro gets a dog it must be at least knee height when fully grown.

4: Whether a Bro is in to sports or not they pick a team and support them until their dying breath.

5: A Bro shall not gaze at a naked Bro

6: A Bro never sends a birthday card to another Bro.

7: A Bro is honour-bound to aid his Bros with DIY and moving house.

8: Bros do not share dessert.

9: A Bro never dances with their hands above their head.

10: If a Bro leads a beer/food run they are entitled to all left over change.

11: A Bro will not sleep with another Bro’s sister. However, a Bro is allowed to be vocal about her level of attractiveness.

12: A Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

13: A Bro doesn’t allow another Bro to get married until they are at least thirty years old.

14: Bros don’t make eye-contact during a Devil’s Three-way(MMF threesome).

15: A Bro never rents a chick flick.

16: Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

17: A Bro never cries. They only shed manly tears

18: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro

19: A Bro never wears pink underwear.

20: A Bro never publicly reveals how many people another Bro has slept with.

21: A Bro is not required to remember another Bro’s birthday.

22: A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy’s Day.

23: A Bro doesn’t grow a mustache.

24: A Bro will make any and all effort to provide his Bro with a condom when they score.

25: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks.

26: A Bro ALWAYS enhances another Bro’s job description when introducing him.

27: A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

28: If a Bro buys a new car he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.

29: If a Bro for whatever reason needs to drive another Bro’s car, they shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations.

30: A Bro shows up to a party with at least one more unit of alcohol than they plan to drink.

31: Bros start at least one fire a year.

32: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret he shall take that secret to his grave.

33: A Bro never wears socks with sandals.

34: The mum of a Bro is always off-limits.

35: When a Bro isn’t invited to another Bro’s wedding, they don’t make a big deal about it.

36: A Bro doesn’t sing along to music in a bar.

37: “Clothing optional” doesn’t really mean “clothing optional” to Bros.

38: A Bro shall not damage another Bro’s chances to score.

39: A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control.

40: A Bro is never vegan.

41: If a Bro fails a challenge, it’s ALWAYS the equipment’s fault.

42: Every Bro knows a Bro who is the worlds best at something.

43: When a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, they must first ask what condition the car is in.

44: When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.

45: A Bro shall seek no revenge if they pass out around their Bros and wake up to find their body covered in drawings and shaving foam.

46: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email.

47: A Bro doesn’t listen to chick music…in front of other Bros.

48: A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

49: It is never acceptable for a Bro to sleep with another Bro’s ex.

50: Bros don’t quote Oscar Wilde

51: A Bro always admits when they farted

52: A Bro will always verify another Bro’s story when they are trying to score.

53: If your team beats your Bro’s team you have 24 hours to rub it in

54: A Bro always takes a piss standing up.

55: A Bro never catches a cold. Bros are struck down with Man Flu.

56: If a Bro finds his Bro’s girlfriend repulsive, they shall not say anything until they have broken up.

57: A Bro never gives another Bro the silent treatment.

58: A Bro always has his Bro’s back

59: Women can also be a Bro.

60: A Bro DOES NOT masturbate in front of other Bros.

61: When a Bro asks another Bro to look after their drink, that Bro never tampers with it. Pranks NEVER involve another Bro’s drink.

62: A Bro doesn’t unfriend his Bro on Facebook while in a huff.

63: All Bros are required to take turns as the ‘designated driver.’

64: Bros don’t wax their body hair

65: A Bro is not expected to notice another Bro’s new haircut

66: A Bro never asks another Bro to come with them to the bathroom

67: A Bro never wears Crocs

68: Bros DO NOT pout for selfies.

69: All Bros are distracted by the number 69 and it’s sexual meaning rendering all Bros unable to read anything immediately after this number.

70: A Bro never uses another Bro’s toothbrush

71: Bros don’t use umbrellas

72: A Bro DOES NOT choose his own nickname. A nickname, good or bad, is bestowed upon you by your fellow Bros.

73: Bros take care of their fellow bros when they have too much to drink.

74: A Bro of a Bro is a Bro to you.

75: When a Bro has a kid his Bros become honourary uncles.

76: A Bro never keeps a photo of his Bro in his wallet

77: A Bro does not allow his Bro to drunk dial or text his ex.

78: Bros don’t wear skinny jeans

79: A Bro ALWAYS honours a bet.

80: A Bro is honour bound to accept all arm wrestling challenges.

81: Bros pay for their dates.

82: Bros don’t stop to smell flowers

83: Bros don’t touch another Bro’s drink without express permission.

84: Bros don’t break up chick fights until a sufficient amount of clothing has been pulled off.

85: A Bro does not cock-block another Bro for any reason

86: A Bro will ALWAYS watch a movie narrated by Morgan Freeman.

87: At a Bro’s funeral, all other Bros toast with the deceased’s drink of choice.

88: When a Bro wants to do something stupid, you film it.

89: A Bro must NEVER impede on a Bro’s ability to suit up.

90: ALL conversations between Bros are subject to “Bro to Bro confidentiality”.

91: A bro cannot give another bro a teddy bear.

92: Bros shall never under any circumstances go and see a chick flick alone.

93: A Bro does not dare or challenge another bro to do anything they wouldn’t try themselves.

94: A Bro and a Brother are not the same thing.

95: A Bro never rearranges the dishes at another Bro’s house.

96: Paint Balling is the ONLY combat scenario in which a Bro’s balls are not off limits.

97: When a Bro leaves his seat that seat becomes vacant and cannot be reclaimed if another Bro takes it.

98: Bros shall not wear a Fanny Pack/Bum Bag.

99: A Bro never leaves another Bro behind.

100: A Bro never makes eye-contact with another Bro while eating a banana.

101: Dibs cannot be implied, you must call dibs in front of witnesses for any said Dibs to be valid.

102: When playing or responding to a prank, a Bro’s car is off limits.

103: If you catch your Bro’s partner cheating you immediately tell your Bro regardless of any shit-storm that may arise.

104: A Bro always has a condom in their wallet.

105: All Bros like steak

106: Bros don’t take selfies while having a dump.

107: A Bro never lets his brokenhearted Bro drink alone.

108: A Bro Never tickles another Bro.

109: A Bro always offers his Bros a drink when getting one for themselves.

110: Bros wear their pants/trousers above their ass.

111: Bros don’t use a photo of their pet or child as their profile picture.

112: A Bro doesn’t get lost, he merely finds an alternate route.

113: Bros never use the term ‘YOLO’

114: If a Bro wins a trophy that can be used as a cup they will drink alcohol out of it as soon as possible.

115: Bros don’t giggle.

116: Bros don’t wear turtlenecks

117: If Bros share a house/apartment all Bros are obligated to stay out of the way if a fellow Bro brings their date home.

118: A Bro NEVER under ANY circumstances attempts to get with another Bros partner.

119: Bros don’t touch each others hair.

120: When a Bro offers another Bro chewing gum, that offer is for two or more pieces.

121: Bro’s don’t smell each other on purpose.

122. Bros never use the term ‘swag’ to describe anything.

123: Bros only comment on a fellow Bro’s fashion choice if that choice will affect their ability to get laid.

124: A bro is NEVER afraid to fail.

125: All Bros have an interest in some sort of weaponry.

126: If a Bro injures themselves while lifting weights, fellow Bros will add more weights before getting help.

127: Bros do not share a drink or popcorn at the cinema.

128: A bro shall never engage in any sexual activity with a Girl-Bro.

Time for some questions!!!

#1. WHO ARE YOUR BROS ON DISQUS??? LIST YOUR BESTEST BROS HERE. HOW DID YOU BECOME BROS WITH THEM?

#2. Who are your female bros on disqus? fyi it can not be a simple "female friend".

#3. How do you feel about your bros?

#4. Are bros before hoes? Why/why not?

#5. What makes someone a bro to you?

#6. What do you think about the bro codes? how much do you follow and agree/disagree with them?

Comment and have fun with ur bros.

PS: I declare this thread as PURE-SHITPOST. Bros dont like strictness. Talk about any and all bro stuffs be it games, foods, girls, weapons, sports, martial arts etc etc etc.

PSS: The credit for this thread goes to my bro DB, who gave me the idea~