Psychology: Meaning Pt. 1: Belonging (By SooDoneWithYou)

Heya~

Introduction:

Sit your yourself down and get ready to read this. Or don't, and TL;DR me like a loser.

Finding meaning in ones life is something that everybody should do sooner rather then later. Meaning is inheritance different from happiness although many times the two are linked. Living a meaningful life doesn't always mean living a very happy life, but rather a fulfilling life. Usually this includes happiness, sadness, pain, failure and success. Today I want to separate what meaningfulness is from what happiness is.

Epilogue:

Let's start with a subject that's been visited a lot in Disqus (by myself too), depression. It turns out that in general, depressed people don't lack happiness or joy. What they lack is meaning and fulfillment. Depression makes things the person feel worthless and like anything they do is meaningless. This is why finding meaning is arguably just as, if not more important as finding happiness. Having fun is fine and all, but if you don't have some sort of meaningful reason for doing things, then you're just going to end up confused and scared.

So what exactly does someone need to do to live a meaningful life? Well, as Emily Smith describes in her famous Ted Talk, there are four pillars of a meaningful life. We'll go over each pillar and discuss how exactly that correlates to how meaningful someone feels.

First Pillar: Belonging

So the first pillar of a meaningful life is belonging. This is something that's based off the basic human need to socialize with one another. Human beings are one of, if not the most social animals in the entire world. We emotionally and mentally need one another whether you like it or not. Feeling lonely is one of the best ways to make yourself feel unfulfilled. Pretty much everyone bases some level of their self esteem and self worth off of what others think of them, although the level at which one does this varies greatly.

In modern society, this has become even more prevalent with the introduction and super popularization of massive social media outlets. The problem with these outlets is that when people base much of their self worth on complete strangers they can easily be hurt, whereas before your social interactions were only judged by people who you are antiquated with in person. The difference here is that many times people will mince or soften their words in real life, but will give their full, unaltered feelings online where they don't have to deal with you face to face.

Another problematic form of belonging is group belonging. The feeling that you belong to a certain group because of your beliefs or political affiliation. This is a problem because people will only see you for what you outwardly support instead of who you actually are. This creates distrust, and often ends relationships before they even start.

Belonging is something that comes from real personal contact, online or off. Making sure that you're being honest with the person you're connecting with is the most important thing, because that builds trust which cultivates a real sense of belonging. Even small interactions between a regular customer and a local store owner can create this sense, and of course it can come from the most deep of relationships like marriage. The important thing is that you are true to yourself, and to the person you're connecting with.

Next let's look at what devalues someone. These are usually small acts that you might not notice, but really do suck the sense of meaning out of someone bit by bit. Acts like playing on your phone when someone's talking to you, or ignoring someone who's trying to get your attention, even if you don't mean to. Be careful when you're interacting with others, because you never know who might be dealing with something rough in their life and maybe even little things could set them off.

Conclusion:

So, I was planning on including all four pillars here, but that would go on forever. So to counteract that, I'm going to split this into four parts. I applaud anyone who read through all this and plans to read the others as well, although I sincerely believe that it'll be within the single digits.

To find out more about this, read up on Maslow's Hierarchy

Questions:

1.) How do you find meaning in life?

2.) Do you feel like you belong?

3.) Do you think belonging is something created by small gestures, or large actions?